I am not a killer!

Today was a good day. I do not get many of them mentally so I do have to enjoy them when I do. Waking up wasn't exactly on todays list. Not until my mother got home at 4:30. That always drives me a little insane. But by 4:15 I was up and ready to go.

Todays goal was raspberry picking! And we did it. Driving out to Guilford was annoying. The traffic added another 20 minutes to the ride but it was worth it.

Pick your own is popular in the northeast, not sure about anywhere else. The prices are cheaper and it is entertaining, but I have to say I prefer picking blueberries. Raspberries are hard too find and pick. First the brush is covered in small prickers. These prickers are soft so you do not end up with holes in your arms but they still hurt none the less. The bees are everywhere and if you are not careful you might end up picking one. Thankfully no one got picked!

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Suicide and Hate

The song "Hate Me" is running thought my head right now and I can feel his pain. I want to slip slowly into someones brain and simply curl up and stay. I understand that feeling of falling completely into myself and never ever coming back. Not death. I will never kill myself. But to disconnect with the body and live only in my brain.

I have been doing a very distant form of it for years. Completely uncaring and disconnected from the body that moves, eat and sleep.

I care nothing of what I eat I only care if it pleases my mind. I do not exercise because I am bored and therefore the brain is not lost in itself. I do my best to find disconnected was to socialize with others like text, twitter, and facebook. They are almost the only places I am more than the outward version.

There are moments that I do crawl out from the warm safety in my brain. But unless they are truly worth my travels than I stop coming back to the surface. My prime example is sex. Once found and felt it is judged and declared.

So here I lay in a twin bed of my cousins listening to the sound of the fan, shot down. I had one of the worse days mentally than I have head in years. Worse than new jobs. Worse than a befriend breaking up with me thought text while I was at work. And today has all the making of a great day. It started out as such. But by the end, in the comfort of a bed in a closed room, I am drained. I can not even begin to explain why or how... Not now. Maybe when I am fall removed again.

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Moving Forward

Today was simple enough, but a little off. My mother was home because she had oral surgery. I woke to her leaving and almost had a heart attack. My mother is always a nine to fiver, and never ever calls in sick - so to see her home on a normal day makes me gasp.

I had to go to Boopers today to hand in the postcards I had for the National Rock Convention I was just at. I have been assigned to the next Convention to work the Twitter and Facebook and help get the world of the party out to others on the internet. It should be an interesting event. That was my job for National Rock Con, but it was the first time around and everything was a little insane. So this time around I want to focus on being the social networkist. Keep the chatting going. I want to see it pop up on twitter. That would be super cool.

BeatEXPO 2010 in November! Be there or be a Line because Square is too good for you!

The new pet.

A new pet has entered my zoo of a home. This pet is a cockatiel. Now I have to say this and most people that know me will be shocked. I do not like birds as pets. I find them annoying and worthless and this is coming out of the mouth of a girl who has had more rodents than she can count and at present has 3 guinea pigs.

We have had birds before. Growing up we had a grey parrot and another large bird that I lived. We had a cockatiel before also who was adopted from my aunt and uncle when they moved to Florida.

Well I am the one stuck normally feeding and watering the birds, that I do not even like. If I do not do the feedings they may end up like Pat and Debbie, two finches named after my parents. My mother handled there feedings and well Pat died off first. I still tease my mom that she planned that.

This new bird was adopted, like most of our animals, from a friend of my moms. My mother is also the one that brought the last cockatiel and the guinea pigs home. This one is named Buster. A name that I do not like already. I am a creative person and a pet named Buster just annoys me. The last four pets brought into this house were named Keegan, Pearl, Lilly, and Chatty Cathy. All names that fit them. Pearly and Lilly Butt, as they are playfully called, are both white guinea pigs and Chatty Cathy does not shut the hell up - she is the other older guinea pig that my mother adopted from Petco. Buster is a grey thing with a half yellowed face. I am thinking either Moon or Night. If I have to feed it than I am getting a name I want. I already declared that the bird should be moved into the basement to live with my father. That is where the Parrot was when we first moved in - because he was abused before my parents and bit so I was not allowed unsupervised time with him and when he did get loose it was alot easier to contain and catch him. Also, my father loved the last cockatiel soo he should have the next one!! Hell he sang to the last one everyday and treated it better than he does my mother and I.

So now that I have bored you. I will attempt sleep once more. I just wanted to induce the newest member of my zoo.

Now there is 3 cats (Cotton, Joe, Keegan), 1 harassed dog ( Jasper O'Conner), 3 guinea pigs (Chatty Cathy, Lilly, Pearl), one turtle (Ozzy), Buster, and my dad. That makes 10 animals in my house. And my mother is already talking about Buster needing a friend... Ugh. I just want my cat (Keegan) and my dog! Save me!!!

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