Full Moon Rite

The moon is still full, only one day off.
And I stand barefoot below it, sending
my ritual of the Gods up to it.
“I call upon the moon's powers to gift
me with magick to work my rite tonight.”
Two black candles, for protection, are lit.
One of green for balance, because all we
do in life must be even and right.
These equal the element of fire.
For the Air, Rosemary incenses are burned.
A bowl with spring water is a given.
In the water, floats cinnamon, basil,
mugwort and thyme to be my guide to earth.
I give myself to the night and my spell
I pray. I dance. I sing. I hope. I love.
And with this giving, I am protected
for another year. Blessed Goddess and Moon.
So Mote It Be.

On Top a Hill

It stands alone on top a hill,
And all look and wonder:
What could have happen in the house
that could have brought asunder?

There are rumors of horrible things
Of spousal abuse and
Cheating lovers. Of suicide.
These things told second hand.

The once white paint started clipping,
and was left to the blight.
Weather beaten hard wood shown though
the skeleton of white.

On the overgrown ground, were this
majestic home did stand,
Now is just an empty vessel
that seems to give commands.

The town below stares silently
no one dares enter there.
The children tell their stories in
secret and all beware!

My Starry Night

I watch from my site
which is rockin' chair upon my aunt's porch
Stars mounted high in the navy sky
Kings from centuries gone by.
All I smell is wood and stain
Round barrels rolled up cut from fields of dried hay
Soldiers resting after a summer war against sun and wind
And I think

First of the emptiness of the world
Second of the Stars
Many more than can be seen near the city sky
Legions of layers and different shades.
Yellows – Bright or Pale. Pinks – Yellowed or Silvered.

Lost in the view
Alone and somehow completely at peace.
In the grand scheme of things,
I am still a part of it all
sitting here in a wooden rockin chair.

The Doodle?

In the corner of my reading notes
there is a little ball of fire.
He is pressed between the red line
and the paper end.

He drew himself there
when I wasn't looking.
Truly, I don't know
how he got there.

It must have happened sometime
while I was in the bathroom.
The spot that should be his hair
is sharp and flickering.

And two round eyes and one harsh smile
stare up at me waiting.
I don't know what he wants
But I am starting to get scared.

Who knows what he can do,
he was just suddenly there.
Oh No! He just disappeared
while I was writing here.

I am officially scared.

I am not a killer!

Today was a good day. I do not get many of them mentally so I do have to enjoy them when I do. Waking up wasn't exactly on todays list. Not until my mother got home at 4:30. That always drives me a little insane. But by 4:15 I was up and ready to go.

Todays goal was raspberry picking! And we did it. Driving out to Guilford was annoying. The traffic added another 20 minutes to the ride but it was worth it.

Pick your own is popular in the northeast, not sure about anywhere else. The prices are cheaper and it is entertaining, but I have to say I prefer picking blueberries. Raspberries are hard too find and pick. First the brush is covered in small prickers. These prickers are soft so you do not end up with holes in your arms but they still hurt none the less. The bees are everywhere and if you are not careful you might end up picking one. Thankfully no one got picked!

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Suicide and Hate

The song "Hate Me" is running thought my head right now and I can feel his pain. I want to slip slowly into someones brain and simply curl up and stay. I understand that feeling of falling completely into myself and never ever coming back. Not death. I will never kill myself. But to disconnect with the body and live only in my brain.

I have been doing a very distant form of it for years. Completely uncaring and disconnected from the body that moves, eat and sleep.

I care nothing of what I eat I only care if it pleases my mind. I do not exercise because I am bored and therefore the brain is not lost in itself. I do my best to find disconnected was to socialize with others like text, twitter, and facebook. They are almost the only places I am more than the outward version.

There are moments that I do crawl out from the warm safety in my brain. But unless they are truly worth my travels than I stop coming back to the surface. My prime example is sex. Once found and felt it is judged and declared.

So here I lay in a twin bed of my cousins listening to the sound of the fan, shot down. I had one of the worse days mentally than I have head in years. Worse than new jobs. Worse than a befriend breaking up with me thought text while I was at work. And today has all the making of a great day. It started out as such. But by the end, in the comfort of a bed in a closed room, I am drained. I can not even begin to explain why or how... Not now. Maybe when I am fall removed again.

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Moving Forward

Today was simple enough, but a little off. My mother was home because she had oral surgery. I woke to her leaving and almost had a heart attack. My mother is always a nine to fiver, and never ever calls in sick - so to see her home on a normal day makes me gasp.

I had to go to Boopers today to hand in the postcards I had for the National Rock Convention I was just at. I have been assigned to the next Convention to work the Twitter and Facebook and help get the world of the party out to others on the internet. It should be an interesting event. That was my job for National Rock Con, but it was the first time around and everything was a little insane. So this time around I want to focus on being the social networkist. Keep the chatting going. I want to see it pop up on twitter. That would be super cool.

BeatEXPO 2010 in November! Be there or be a Line because Square is too good for you!

The new pet.

A new pet has entered my zoo of a home. This pet is a cockatiel. Now I have to say this and most people that know me will be shocked. I do not like birds as pets. I find them annoying and worthless and this is coming out of the mouth of a girl who has had more rodents than she can count and at present has 3 guinea pigs.

We have had birds before. Growing up we had a grey parrot and another large bird that I lived. We had a cockatiel before also who was adopted from my aunt and uncle when they moved to Florida.

Well I am the one stuck normally feeding and watering the birds, that I do not even like. If I do not do the feedings they may end up like Pat and Debbie, two finches named after my parents. My mother handled there feedings and well Pat died off first. I still tease my mom that she planned that.

This new bird was adopted, like most of our animals, from a friend of my moms. My mother is also the one that brought the last cockatiel and the guinea pigs home. This one is named Buster. A name that I do not like already. I am a creative person and a pet named Buster just annoys me. The last four pets brought into this house were named Keegan, Pearl, Lilly, and Chatty Cathy. All names that fit them. Pearly and Lilly Butt, as they are playfully called, are both white guinea pigs and Chatty Cathy does not shut the hell up - she is the other older guinea pig that my mother adopted from Petco. Buster is a grey thing with a half yellowed face. I am thinking either Moon or Night. If I have to feed it than I am getting a name I want. I already declared that the bird should be moved into the basement to live with my father. That is where the Parrot was when we first moved in - because he was abused before my parents and bit so I was not allowed unsupervised time with him and when he did get loose it was alot easier to contain and catch him. Also, my father loved the last cockatiel soo he should have the next one!! Hell he sang to the last one everyday and treated it better than he does my mother and I.

So now that I have bored you. I will attempt sleep once more. I just wanted to induce the newest member of my zoo.

Now there is 3 cats (Cotton, Joe, Keegan), 1 harassed dog ( Jasper O'Conner), 3 guinea pigs (Chatty Cathy, Lilly, Pearl), one turtle (Ozzy), Buster, and my dad. That makes 10 animals in my house. And my mother is already talking about Buster needing a friend... Ugh. I just want my cat (Keegan) and my dog! Save me!!!

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Another beat in the drum.

Ah. I am done at the Census and I am not complaining. I was completely tired of their bullshit, but at least they paid me well. I have enjoyed spending my money a little more freely. I brought myself a wide screen HD computer monitor and a very very nice phone - that cost me 200 dollars after resigning up. I will also be paying for my hotel room for the weekend so I may have my own room, and I am paying rent for the next of the year - which is only 50 dollars a month. I also need to fix a pipe in my car. My boyfriend will put the part in for me, but it will cost about 100 dollars for the part. We'll see what happens.

This weekend I will be going to National Rock Fest - nationalrockcon.com. I will be working there, and have been doing it as an internship for the last five months. I wasn't the best intern, sadly, because of this job, but I hope I can at least help out this weekend. I know that the runners of the event don't hold it against me and I am thankful for that.

I got to go back to working on my writing for the Master's Degree I am working on. They are asking for a 'Writer's Resume' and a 'Writer's Journey'. I am not the best at writing on demand, so this is becoming a little bit of a struggle, but I need to get back into writing. Wish me luck everyone!

This question haunts me right now. I write because there are other people in my brain yelling at me to tell their story. I write because I must. There is no way to explain to non-writers how it feels to be haunted. To have them pace back and forth taping their fingers against your every moment until you release them through your fingertips onto what media you are using be it a typewriter or a pencil or a keyboard to the computer.

Those creatures, both good and bad, weak and strong, must be released or I would become insane. There is a feeling that comes over you as you write of freedom. A freedom that can not exist anywhere else. The people and things that find themselves upon the screen or on the paper, they can do anything. They can fly, sing, cry. They are the only real things that are free in my life. And only after they escape me.

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My Day off wasn't very off

I drove to New York, got lost twice. Got my parents, and ended up going home and getting two phone calls on the way home about work. That was a good half of hour of my time, and after my father was a jerk - so mom and I went out to On The Border - got another call. Then when I got home I had to grab the paperwork I have to do tomorrow from my Crew Leader - and he got lost on the way to my house, so there was another 15 mins of my day. My day off wasn't very off. At least I get paid for my time.

Is today over?

I am starting to get seriously bored. I am sitting at the computer trying to figure out what I should do for the next 30 or so minutes. I have to be at my meeting at 5:45ish, but that is 45 mins from now, and the place is less than a mile away. I am starving and I am trying to decide if I want to eat at the place. Everyone in the group talks crap about this place, but its a classic part of West Haven. I really wanna just hit some negative people.

I could leave now, grab some food, and sit and read and eat or something. I always feel so funny doing that, but hey it might be a good idea.

It is soo windy out the trees are moving, and I am slightly scared. Someone hide me!

Sucky Day

Ugh. Today completely sucked butt. First, went to work - which wasn't so bad tho I hated the idea of waking up. Work was fine, I supervised one girl, and I couldn't touch base with the second one so I was just kinda there doing simple enough paperwork. Well, on brake I ran to grab my boyfriend from his house to bring him to mine so he could use my fathers car for a few day... Well, getting off the exit my call started being very loud. I thought my muffler finally said goodbye, when I pulled into his house I got out to look at the car, and I had a flat tire... well my break turned into the day being over. :(

Boyfriend put on donuts. Dounut was empty and the boyfriend has an air pump, but it was empty... and his car barely works. That's why I was picking him up. After sitting there for 10 mins trying to find someone who can come and grab his air pump thing, he ended up just driving his car to the gas station - which thankfully is only a few blocks away, and then come back. We then had to go back by the station to finish filling up my tire.

After all the drama, I didn't get home until 7:30...

That was enough bs, then I am playing with The Devil, the kitten of the house, and I was gently tugging his arm to get him closer and his arm suddenly froze. I thought I had really hurt him. He was flipping out, and unable to move his arm at all. I thought maybe I disjointed him or something. He even hissed at my dog, which is off because he thinks The Dog is his other half. I finally tried to pick him up and as I did it I felt his shoulder fall back into place. He was in complete shock as he started off, so I picked him up and hugged him for a few good minutes.

Thankfully, after a few minutes he was back to his evil self trying to eat my hand. I put him down and he walked away as if nothing happen, now I am in more shock than him. He bit my foot after he came back, so I guess he is telling me he has forgiven me, because his just that Evil. The Cat who thinks he is a dog who thinks he is a cat... ugh.

Then after all this drama I decided I needed Dominos, which is SOOO bad for you. So. Domino's Cheesie Bread and a Breadbowl was for dinner.. can I close off the blood going to my heart quicker?

Hopefully tomorrow will be better, but I don't think I should hold my breath.

Day Two in Field

Well. I will be at this for what they want to say eight weeks, but I really don't believe that. One of our binders are suppose to last a week, most of the people almost finished theirs yesterday. So this should be interesting.

My back is killing me, and my head wants to hurt. I just wanna crack my back slowly and lay down in bed to stare at my tv, but I gonna go out in a few minutes - depending on how long 20YrOldGirl gets to her spot and starts walking about.

Awake. I swear

I should have got myself a cup of coffee already, but I will live. I am half asleep and half awake. It is completely fun! I have to offically start working at "1" but I do not believe I am going out until about 1:30 - because I wanna give the little worker bees time to start getting used to their job a little.

A fat little cat just decided to stand on my shoulder. He is completely odd some days. He went from trying to drink my dogs waterbottle out of his crate to jumping onto the back of my high backed computer chair and paw at my shoulder for attention. His getting to about 9 months old. And he is a complete goof. It is fun to watch, but he loves to knock things over -.-

- DONE!!

New to Blogger

Well I am new to Blogger. I am somewhat new to Tweeter, and my friends have got me addicted to joining contest.

So I joined for http://hookedonyabooks.blogspot.com/2010/05/super-huge-mega-crazy-birthday-bash.html :D

- Kris!!